Ending It All

Musings from Dennis #67: He was just 18, my wife told me today. Came from a well-to-do family with high expectations but hanged himself, still in his college uniform. Instead of seeing a future of endless hope, he saw a hopeless end. I know that feeling. At age 27, I wanted to kill myself. I had 7 days but could not finish the task assigned to me at work. It was a public event, the deadline was there and the press announced the opening date. I had difficulty sourcing the items needed for the project. My immediate boss could not comprehend the pressure I was in and offered no help. Neither did my colleagues. One even tricked me. The various help I hired were playing in their own world (did not realise they did not understand English). The equipment that was needed to help me get the work done broke down when we needed it. The overhead sun on a cloudless sky was searing and I knew no reprieve. Even when I needed a high tide to make this beach event a success, it was not to be. That feeling, that hopelessness. Suddenly on the 6^th day, a day before opening, everything fell into place and we opened well on that weekend. Tanned to the point of being sunburnt, I fell ill on the Monday immediately after and got chicken pox, to spend 3 weeks on medical leave and well-earned rest (I still have the pock marks). Since that day, I have always felt that no challenge can now overcome me. Leaders, spend time with your direct reports. They could be quietly crying in their pain and we can make that small difference for them, even if it means stopping what we do and giving them a listening ear. That was what I needed at that time as no one wanted to listen. Recalling that day, that feeling of hopelessness washed anew all over me. But thirty years on, I have been living in days of endless hope.